A teabag for wisdom

Thomas had his wisdom teeth out in his junior year of college. Or, I guess I should say, wisdom tooth. Turns out the kid only has one. After his appointment, instead of driving back to the dorm, we insisted he come home to rest so we could take care of him. After a few hours he had used up the entire supply of gauze the dentist gave him, but the incision just wouldn’t stop bleeding. Thomas got up from the couch and brought me the “emergency instructions” paper and pointed to the part that said to put a teabag on the spot. “See Thomas, aren’t you glad your mother is here” I said, bolting to the kitchen. “I bet you and your friends in the dorm are out of tea.” I’m not sure if it was the packed gauze in his mouth, but he didn’t answer. Of course, it didn’t specify whether or not they meant dry-- right out of the box tea bags, or a wet, used tea bag. I was carefully pondering this when Thomas finally snatched it out of my hand and stuck it in his mouth evidently not noticing the long string with the paper tag at the end that said “Lipton.” “Hang on, honey” I helpfully urged, rummaging in the junk drawer to find a scissors, ‘I’ll cut that right off for you.” Not finding anything but old pens, dead batteries and a kazoo, I motioned for my toothless victim to follow me around the house while I looked some more. Thomas obediently tagged along in his drug induced stupor , with the tag swinging under his chin, while I continued to search in vain. Finally I had an idea. I pulled him into the kitchen, opened up the knife drawer and grabbed the only clean utensil in sight… a 12 inch serrated turkey slicer. “Hold still! ” I warned as I sawed back and forth dangerously close to his lips. It was at that moment I realized something profound. Normal people don’t do things like this.

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