An open letter to the people of Pennsylvania

I'm writing to you today, as Archbald is on my mind after hearing Pennsylvania discussed so much in the upcoming election. The newscasters all seem to say "What will the people of Pennsylvania do? Who will they vote to send to the White House?" I don't understand their confusion. I don't understand how they could have any doubt as to the intentions of the faithful citizens of your state. As a resident of Oregon--one of the most atheistic states in the nation--I was overjoyed to walk into a cafe on your Main street and see photos of the sacred heart of Jesus prominently displayed. The love of our savior in Archbald is unashamedly part of the very fabric of who you are. I only hope my children will one day get to visit and experience your rare example.

Please pray for the people of Oregon. They are in darkness and will no doubt vote to give our precious five electoral votes to a man who walks with abortionists, terrorists, Marxists, and people who hate our flag. A man who vows to keep killing children--unborn, and newly born. May Almighty God have mercy on our land!

I know the prayers of the good people of Archbald and Scranton are stronger than the enemy. I know truth and light will win in the end. But with your hearts and love for Jesus, the rest of the country may just get one more chance on earth we don't deserve...a President who loves God and His word.

Thank you so much for your beautiful state. I am with you in spirit as we hold hands across the nation on our knees for life.

Let's Ask God

I have a great idea for rigging the election this year and I'm not afraid to use it. It dawned on me that we as humans can only do so much to persuade people to vote for the person we think ought to be the next President. I've protested, gabbed on the phone, worn buttons, done monologues on my talk show and left campaign cards in un-suspecting restrooms. (That last tactic might not be the best). All in all, I've done the human part. Now it's time to pull out all the stops and do the God part. Yes, I believe in God and I believe He's everything He says He is. I believe He loves America and will give us His divine protection again...even though we don't deserve it. So what's my plan? Well, when I run into people I know are going to vote for the rotten guy---yes, I do mean that... I have a new tactic. Here's what I tell them: Let's let God decide. Let's pray that God will bless and give divine intervention to elect the candidate HE KNOWS is best for America. How can we lose then? Everybody is happy because they are all thinking God will help their person. Of course, He won't. God hates the shedding of innocent blood and the blood of 50 million dead unborn children is crying out for justice. If we're lucky enough to get His blessing He will help the person who has a good heart. Who truly hears His word. I'm pretty sure I know who that is. And his running mate wears really cute red shoes. Just like for Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, those red shoes are going to take us home to safety with God's mercy. But just in case...I'm leaving a few brochures in the ladies room one last time. Just to help out.