Diet Dog

I rarely go to Wal-Mart. Not because I don't want to, but because the closest one is thirty miles from my house. So yesterday, I was so excited when I was in the area, had twenty-two dollars in my pocket and could rush over and fill a cart or two with bargains. I'm walking in the shampoo aisle (maybe that should have clued me in) and stumbled across one of my favorite things--a new box of "100 calorie" snacks. Reaching for the colorful box, I stoped suddenly gasping outloud. It said "doggy treats." I'm not kidding. They were 100 calorie DOG TREATS!!! I laughed so hard I'm sure they were calling security, but really, isn't that a scream? I fished in my purse for my cell phone to hurry up and call the only friend I have who owns a dog, but the silly thing had a dead battery. So I couldn't tell anyone. I think it's funny anyway. Kind of reminds me of the time I was in a Caracus grocery store and tossed into my cart what I thought was tuna--but then noticed the only english on the label saying "The happy cat." Two close calls in one lifetime. Hmm. I wonder how much weight I would lose.....nah.

The Fan Club

Sometimes I really wonder what kind of sense of humor God has. Take this week. I am simply trying to get a pair of curtains on the curtainless window of my office up. Not hard for most women I suppose, but me? I might as well be trying to get a job as a temporary fill in for Nasa. I am not curtain-smart. I walked into Target and looked at the curtain stuff aisle. I had written down my measurements before I left and knew the window was 70 inches across. I kept looking at my paper and looking at the strange rods in the aisle. What did it all mean? Did each one come with the bolty stuff that went in the wall? The drill to drill it? A little man to put them up? I walked out with nothing but my scrap of paper even more confused. Then there's the matter of the hood fan. My hood fan in my kitchen hasn't worked for over ....ah...maybe three years. I just kind of wave the air above the frying pan and hope my arms get thinner. Hasn't worked, so I went to a small mom and pop appliance store and ordered what the worker "Henry" said I needed. Week after week went by and Henry never called to say my new fan was in. Finally I gave up after two months. Off I went to Home Depot and met a new worker named "Emma." She said she knew exactly what I needed but before she could place the order I had to know what kind of venting the fan had--round or rectangle. Henry never asked that. I had no idea. Three weeks later I finally get back over to Home Depot with the info that I had a retangle opening. Emma said I'd need a "boot" for that. I have no idea what that is or who to get to put this huge thing in, but I have a feeling this is not going to go well. I wonder if really--when it's all said and done--I'll just keep waving the fried hamberger fumes in the air and call it good. As my previous post kinda touched on, I'm not very good at the little stresses in life. I really admire people who are. I wonder if it's a gift I'll never get to open. I know one thing--it sure would be a surprise! Happy Valentine's Day to all in celebration of love and hope. I am so grateful for the people in my life who love me, and I'm going to keep working on not getting bogged down with the little stuff!!!

God's positioning system

Well, I bought myself something I've wanted to try for a long time--a GPS unit for my car. Even though I've lived in this city my whole life, I could have a second career getting lost. I was so excited to hook it up on the dash yesterday and head down the freeway for my 40 mile journey to a place where I'd never been before. I wasn't even nervous becasue, after all, GPS was there to hold my hand--or at least my dashboard. Anyway, I was all set to make my next left turn and poof--nothing. My little familiar voice was gone. The thing just abruptly shut off for no reason. Needless to say I missed my turn into the parking lot of the mega church I was trying to find and ended up going about 10 miles out of my way fuming every minute. I just didn't get it. "Why me?" thoughts were chasing around my head and I just got more and more agitated every minute. Where was my receipt? Would the store take it back, since it was bought online? I was unsettled and pouting the whole time I tried to hear the speaker I had gone to so much trouble to find. Until it dawned on me. I am selfish, unappreciative and missing the whole point to my day. Here I was sitting in a church listening to a 31 year old woman who had been aborted. That's right, she survived a saline abortion her 17 year old birth mother had tried to get when she was 7 1/2 months pregnant in an LA abortion clinic. My eyes teared up as it dawned on me how selfish I was. What right did I have to complain about life's little stresses when this brave woman, who also suffered from cerebal palsy told her story of hope and forgiveness. She loved God, and forgave her birth mother and was only full of gratitude for her life. Oh boy. I need a new heart in this New Year, and I'm glad I heard her speak. She has an amazing story you can see for yourself at Giannajessen.com. She's real. She lives. And thank goodness I'm never really lost as a child of God--on the road, or safely back home.

Taking a bite out of crime

This is the week I went to "war" for kids I don't even know. Turns out our school district has a policy of making kids wash lunch tables if their parents don't have their lunch accounts up to date. These are middle school kids--ages 11-14. You know...minors! I couldn't believe it was true so I called our disctrict superintendants office and found out it was. The way they put it, they are offering "the choice...or opportunity" for the kids to have a lunch if they can't charge a hot lunch anymore. The choice is...clean tables or starve. Some choice. In my opinion, adults are responsible for feeding kids, and kids don't deserve to be humiliated in front of their peers. So I went to a communty meeting and complianed. I called my local school board. I called Washington DC. And you know what? It felt great! I'm not sure if it will end this practice, but I do know one thing--this is one mom who will not give up until children are protected. In the meantime--I hope everyone will inquire and find out if this is going on in your school district, and if it is---complain!!! Kids deserve to eat, and parents need to deal with the lunch accounts. It's time to get rid of the bullies on the playground and in the cafeteria.

You're Elected to Call

Five years ago I suffered the biggest loss of my life—my mom died. Somehow I functioned through the necessary tasks involved with the packing up, travel arrangements, burial and even a four year old’s birthday party the next day at Chuck E. Cheese. What I remember the most was the silence of the empty days when I was alone. Days when I longed for just one phone call from a friend. They didn’t have to have any answers or great wisdom or abilities to take my pain away. That wasn’t possible. I just needed them to call. Some did. Many didn’t. The cards helped and I cherish them today. But what my soul really longed for was a voice. People often say they don’t call friends who have suffered a death because they don’t know what to say. I can relate to that. My neighbor committed suicide a few years ago and although her husband and two children lived only four houses down from me I never knocked on their door. I told myself it was because I didn’t want them to think people were gossiping about the way she died, or make them uncomfortable about the fact we knew it was suicide. But really—I was taking the easy way out. Until last summer. The family held a garage sale and I walked right up to her beautiful fourteen year old daughter sitting by a coffee can of change and wrapped my arms around her and told her how much I appreciated her mother. How if it wasn’t for her mom I wouldn’t have any teeth (she was my dental hygienist sometimes). It felt so good to finally say it.

Which brings me to this election. Millions of Americans got their way. Millions didn’t. What group are you in? For me it was a great loss. The death of a dream in a way. I have friends who no doubt were joyful and jubilant over the outcome. They received good news. I received a knock out blow. Even though my Obama friends knew I had to be in terrible pain last Wednesday they never called. Maybe they think I should have called them with my congratulations—like the losing team of a tennis match. Except-- this is not a game. This is life and death. My mind can’t help going to the story of two mothers of very ill children in a hospital featured in a magazine recently. Both children needed a heart transplant but only one was available. The surgery team had to choose which child got to receive it. They made their decision. One set of parents got wonderful news—their child would live. One set of parents got devastating news—their child would die. Should the parents of the child who was chosen for the transplant skip out of the hospital and go celebrate without a thought or a word to the other family?

I know there are people who still say they don’t know what to say to a friend who is suffering from these election results. Well, let me help you. How about this:

“I’m so sorry you’re hurting. Hang in there.”

There. Was that so hard? Oh, and keep the script. Your day will come too you know. And I’ll be there for you.

An open letter to the people of Pennsylvania

I'm writing to you today, as Archbald is on my mind after hearing Pennsylvania discussed so much in the upcoming election. The newscasters all seem to say "What will the people of Pennsylvania do? Who will they vote to send to the White House?" I don't understand their confusion. I don't understand how they could have any doubt as to the intentions of the faithful citizens of your state. As a resident of Oregon--one of the most atheistic states in the nation--I was overjoyed to walk into a cafe on your Main street and see photos of the sacred heart of Jesus prominently displayed. The love of our savior in Archbald is unashamedly part of the very fabric of who you are. I only hope my children will one day get to visit and experience your rare example.

Please pray for the people of Oregon. They are in darkness and will no doubt vote to give our precious five electoral votes to a man who walks with abortionists, terrorists, Marxists, and people who hate our flag. A man who vows to keep killing children--unborn, and newly born. May Almighty God have mercy on our land!

I know the prayers of the good people of Archbald and Scranton are stronger than the enemy. I know truth and light will win in the end. But with your hearts and love for Jesus, the rest of the country may just get one more chance on earth we don't deserve...a President who loves God and His word.

Thank you so much for your beautiful state. I am with you in spirit as we hold hands across the nation on our knees for life.

Let's Ask God

I have a great idea for rigging the election this year and I'm not afraid to use it. It dawned on me that we as humans can only do so much to persuade people to vote for the person we think ought to be the next President. I've protested, gabbed on the phone, worn buttons, done monologues on my talk show and left campaign cards in un-suspecting restrooms. (That last tactic might not be the best). All in all, I've done the human part. Now it's time to pull out all the stops and do the God part. Yes, I believe in God and I believe He's everything He says He is. I believe He loves America and will give us His divine protection again...even though we don't deserve it. So what's my plan? Well, when I run into people I know are going to vote for the rotten guy---yes, I do mean that... I have a new tactic. Here's what I tell them: Let's let God decide. Let's pray that God will bless and give divine intervention to elect the candidate HE KNOWS is best for America. How can we lose then? Everybody is happy because they are all thinking God will help their person. Of course, He won't. God hates the shedding of innocent blood and the blood of 50 million dead unborn children is crying out for justice. If we're lucky enough to get His blessing He will help the person who has a good heart. Who truly hears His word. I'm pretty sure I know who that is. And his running mate wears really cute red shoes. Just like for Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, those red shoes are going to take us home to safety with God's mercy. But just in case...I'm leaving a few brochures in the ladies room one last time. Just to help out.